Troubles in a marriage is a common phenomenon. And in majority of cases, women complain about lesser attention, and men complain about ‘too much’ attention their women need! And if anyone observes carefully when wives seek attention they want their husbands to listen to them. And when husbands say wives are seeking more attention, they mean that they are tired of hearing to nothing!

Though the problem sounds complicated, a husband and a wife can understand what each other is saying in between the lines! The art lies in listening!

Asking yourself how you listen helps improving your listening skills. Here are few questions to help you:

1. Do I listen with full attention to my spouse?

2. Do I try to be in sync with the ‘mood’ of the speaker, irrespective of my moods?

3. Does my spouse look disturbed when I talk, answer, reply or pop in a question?

4. Do I think of my own responses, when my spouse is talking?

5. How do I react if my spouse is blaming me?

6. What has been our most eruptive but a successful argument in our relationship? What has been a most eruptive and a completely disastrous argument that you ever had? What was the difference?

Answering each question with honesty helps you increase your Listening IQ, and probably keeps the respect that your spouse has for you. However, listening does not mean that you have to bear utter nonsense, or completely play a passive role. In a marriage, ‘listening’ includes two people and that means each should know when to stop. If you are the listener, and want things to come out, ask questions that will make your spouse think about herself/himself.

That will make your talk more peaceful, and synergistic for both of you.

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